You're earring is so big in my mouth
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
