i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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