so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
