why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
