I'm eating all of the evidence.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
