I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
