I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
