I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
