porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk is not a location!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
