Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
