They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
