did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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