Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
