I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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