You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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