whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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