My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
