two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dont even know how to be here
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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