SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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