i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
