Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You can't just leave with hair like that
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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