When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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