I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
