I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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