That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
