Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
