I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
