You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
