my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
