Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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