My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
