The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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