By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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