If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
