your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
