Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
