Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
