she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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