Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
