I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
