If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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