the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
