Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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