Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
