ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
