You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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