I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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