do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
