im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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