if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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