Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
