Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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