now i know why i became what i already was.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
