Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
