peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
